“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” – Rupi Kaur

The road to self improvement is never ending and life will continue to bring challenges to test our strength. Rather than reacting with old behaviors that do not serve us, there are better ways to overcome our troubles that are more in alignment with our current values. 

This article builds upon my previous piece, “A Guide to Becoming the Ultimate Partner After Quarantine “ where I explored why reinvesting in yourself increases the likelihood of attracting a partner who is truly aligned with you. Here, I want to focus more specifically on how to reinvest in yourself by identifying the resources already available to you and committing to caring for yourself more intentionally.

Self-Care as an Act of Responsibility

Having a self-care practice is one of the most meaningful ways to reinvest in yourself. The intention I associate with self-care is not indulgence, but responsibility, which is to take ownership of your well-being by learning to listen to your intuition, checking in with your mental and emotional state, and taking loving action to support it.

Even the simplest acts of self-care, when practiced consistently, function like compound interest in your emotional wellness bank account. Small deposits made daily can have a powerful long-term effect.

If you tend to put other people’s needs before your own, it’s important to know that self-care is not selfish. When you work toward becoming a healthier, more grounded version of yourself, the people around you benefit from your presence. In many cases, they may even feel inspired by your boundaries, energy, and sense of self.

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Redefining “Single” as Self-Partnered

For those who are currently single, self-care is not meant to distract you from heartbreak or fill the space left by not being in a relationship. Many of us have internalized the belief that we are incomplete without a partner and that our worth depends on whether someone chooses us.

Placing your self-worth in something external, such as another person’s availability or decisions, often leads to disappointment. Learning to believe in your own value and ability to fulfill yourself is what creates stability, whether or not a relationship is present.

For the remainder of this article, I will use the term self-partnered rather than single. Being self-partnered means you are intentionally investing the energy you might otherwise give to someone else back into yourself. The more respect you cultivate for yourself, the more clearly you recognize the respect you deserve from others.

For those currently in relationships, this work matters just as much. When you invest in your own well-being, your relationship benefits too. In fact, many of these practices can be explored together.

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Investing in Yourself (Without the Excuses)

Before exploring specific self-care practices, let’s address a few common reasons people believe they can’t invest in themselves:

• “I don’t have time. I work full-time, have children, or I’m in school.”
• “I can’t afford self-care when I’m just trying to get by.”

The good news is that meaningful self-care does not have to be time-consuming or expensive. What it does require is a shift in perspective and learning to notice the opportunities already present in your day to do something kind for yourself.

The goal is not perfection, but consistency within your current lifestyle.

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Identify Your Current Stressors

Begin by reflecting on what tends to stress you out most during a typical day.

• What situations or interactions consistently trigger stress?
• How do you usually respond?
• Does your response help reduce the stress, or does it intensify it?
• What does your self-talk sound like when stress arises?

Awareness is the first step toward change.

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Identify Your Current Resources

Next, make a list of the people, places, and activities that bring you comfort, grounding, or joy. A self-care plan works best when it includes resources that are realistic, accessible, and affordable.

Consider the different areas of your life that contribute to your overall well-being.

Designing a Self-Care Plan

Once you’ve identified your main stressors and your available resources, it’s time to create a self-care plan. I recommend organizing your resources into categories so you can easily scan the list and choose something that fits your current mood or energy level.

The sections of a self care list may include the following:

Environmental

What type of environment makes you feel most content? Is there somewhere near where you live that offers a similar feeling? Make a plan to visit this special place when you can. Include free, cheap, and higher priced places for variety to give you something to look forward to. 

What does the space that you spend most of your time in look like and how does this make you feel? Decorating your space the way you like is a form of self care. As a self-partnered person, right now is a better time than ever to decorate your personal space in the most obscure or extravagant way you like. Paint your walls black and buy a pink fuzzy rug if that calls you because chances are that it is harder to find someone who agrees with those decor choices when you do eventually share a space with someone. 

Physical 

Physical movement is a form of self care. In what ways do you physically enjoy expressing yourself? Do you dress in a way that makes you feel confident? What does your body posture say about the way you perceive yourself?

Sometimes self care is as simple as putting on our favorite outfit and carrying our body in a way that exudes our desired feeling.

Social 

Having a sense of community is tremendously beneficial to our well being. Humans are social creatures, even the introverts. Identify social groups or settings that make you feel that sense of belonging and find ways to involve yourself with them regularly to maintain those relationships. 

Look for low cost ways to meet new people on websites like meetup.com or niche Facebook groups.

Spiritual

Whether you believe in a higher power or not, there is research that positively correlates spiritual acts such as prayer, meditation, or attending church to improvement of overall happiness. Some people enjoy the sense of belonging they find in a church, some people prefer to ask for help from a higher power when life feels out of our control. Explore what resonates with you, even if it’s as simple as pausing to express gratitude or reflecting on intention. With your intentions, consider the Law of Cause and Effect. 

“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”.

Emotional 

Are there people in your life who you consider to be an emotional support? Do you have a healthy outlet for expressing difficult emotions?

A person who does not care for their emotional well being may suppress a lot of what they are feeling inside and act out in unhealthy ways, like drinking excess alcohol. People who are perceived to be overly emotional may become overwhelmed by the negative thoughts that arise and belief that those thoughts define who they are. 

Commit to Yourself

Once your self-care plan is complete, the final step is commitment. This can be done verbally or in writing. If it feels right, say the following statement out loud three times and sign your name.

“I, ________, am making a commitment to myself to take daily action toward becoming a better and happier version of myself. I am aware of the resources available to me and I will refer to my self-care plan when needed. I am doing this because when I commit to myself, my well-being improves and I become a more grounded and enjoyable person to be around. I am committing to myself because I love myself. I love you, ________.”